Line King: College football needs The 'U' back - KAIT Jonesboro, AR - Region 8 News, weather, sports

Line King: College football needs The 'U' back

  • LSUMore>>

  • LSU football enjoys team outing at original T.J. Ribs restaurant

    LSU football enjoys team outing at original T.J. Ribs restaurant

    Tuesday, August 11 2015 9:37 PM EDT2015-08-12 01:37:12 GMT
    Tuesday, August 11 2015 10:06 PM EDT2015-08-12 02:06:19 GMT
    The LSU football team took a break from the sweaty grind of fall camp Tuesday night to enjoy some team bonding and great food.
    The LSU football team took a break from the sweaty grind of fall camp Tuesday night to enjoy some team bonding and great food.
  • LSU football wants return to 2011 defense

    LSU football wants return to 2011 defense

    Thursday, August 6 2015 3:15 PM EDT2015-08-06 19:15:51 GMT
    Thursday, August 6 2015 3:36 PM EDT2015-08-06 19:36:51 GMT
    LSU may have ranked No. 1 in the SEC defensively last season, but many fans and analysts agree that wasn’t an accurate reflection of how the team actually played. 
    LSU may have ranked No. 1 in the SEC defensively last season, but many fans and analysts agree that wasn’t an accurate reflection of how the team actually played. 
  • LSU football reports for fall camp, Miles says Bain was never reinstated

    LSU football reports for fall camp, Miles says Bain was never reinstated

    Wednesday, August 5 2015 12:06 PM EDT2015-08-05 16:06:42 GMT
    Wednesday, August 5 2015 4:52 PM EDT2015-08-05 20:52:04 GMT
    On a steamy and sweltering morning in south Louisiana, the LSU football team officially reported for the start of fall camp. The Tigers checking into the West Campus Apartments Wednesday morning, with their first practice set for Thursday. 
    On a steamy and sweltering morning in south Louisiana, the LSU football team officially reported for the start of fall camp. The Tigers checking into the West Campus Apartments Wednesday morning, with their first practice set for Thursday. 
  • Texas A&MMore>>

  • Week 13 preview: Rivalry week and high stakes are everywhere

    Week 13 preview: Rivalry week and high stakes are everywhere

    Thursday, November 23 2017 1:42 AM EST2017-11-23 06:42:17 GMT
    Friday, November 24 2017 1:35 AM EST2017-11-24 06:35:22 GMT
    Yes, it is rivalry week in college football and the old saying goes that anything can happen when rivals get together, but let's not go overboard. Alabama has won seven of nine against Auburn because the Tide has...
    Yes, it is rivalry week in college football and the old saying goes that anything can happen when rivals get together, but let's not go overboard. Alabama has won seven of nine against Auburn because the Tide has been clearly better more often than not.
  • Miami gets bump to No. 2 behind Alabama in playoff rankings

    Miami gets bump to No. 2 behind Alabama in playoff rankings

    Tuesday, November 21 2017 7:41 PM EST2017-11-22 00:41:29 GMT
    Wednesday, November 22 2017 2:55 PM EST2017-11-22 19:55:49 GMT
    Miami moved up to No. 2 behind Alabama in the College Football Playoff rankings, with Clemson slipping one spot to three and Oklahoma holding at four.
    Miami moved up to No. 2 behind Alabama in the College Football Playoff rankings, with Clemson slipping one spot to three and Oklahoma holding at four.
  • Alabama to 1 in playoff rankings, then Clemson, Miami, OU

    Alabama to 1 in playoff rankings, then Clemson, Miami, OU

    Tuesday, November 14 2017 9:57 PM EST2017-11-15 02:57:36 GMT
    Wednesday, November 15 2017 2:21 PM EST2017-11-15 19:21:00 GMT
    Alabama is the new No. 1 in the College Football Playoff rankings, with Clemson up to No. 2 and Miami and Oklahoma joining the top four for the first time.
    Alabama is the new No. 1 in the College Football Playoff rankings, with Clemson up to No. 2 and Miami and Oklahoma joining the top four for the first time.

The following column is satire and meant for entertainment purposes.

(RNN) - We are one quarter of the way through the 2013 college football season, and here is The Line King's Annual Conference Nugget Report.

He has long grieved because there are no longer any top-notch, beat-you-flat-then-rub-it-in, bad-guy hate magnets left in the bleak college football landscape of today. Miami of the 1990s, better-known as The "U," set a standard of indomitable wickedness that has yet to be repeated.

But hope floats eternally, because The Line King is a glass-half-full kind of guy:

ACC: Has the actual "U" returned? College football needs them! Bama is just not a good enough heel. The 2013 "U" has also given up only 50 points in four games. They just need more off-the-field antics and post-TD posing.

Big East (they should have never changed their name): Houston is a nice surprise. The Coogs might not be The "U," but they are a delightful 4-0 straight up/against the spread. SMU has a great 30 for 30 special like The "U," but is an appalling 0-4 ATS.

Big 8: Is Baylor the next "U?" I doubt the Southern Baptists would allow the necessary antics, but the Bears are running through opponents quicker than a snake handler goes through a vial of anti-venom serum. They've also only given up 23 points in four games. Twenty-three!

Big 11: The Big 11 will never produce a "U." Although Michigan's QB wearing No. 98 is pretty cool.

C-USA: The once proud Southern Miss program is the perfect example of why you don't run off a coach who produced 14 consecutive winning seasons and 10 bowl games. Wake up, people, it's Hattiesburg, not Miami.

Independents: The "U" would certainly like to rekindle the  venerable "Catholics vs. Convicts" rivalry, especially considering that Notre Dame is a horrid 0-4 ATS.

MAC: "U"Mass (yes, it is in the MAC) has only scored 28 points in four games. Yikes, that's not "U"-like.

MountainBigWestWAC: Usually produces a few teams worth following.  And like the old "U," the Benjamins are flying all over the place. "U"tah State is 4-1 ATS and while Hawaii is 0-4 on the field, they have nice beaches and are 3-1 ATS.  

PAC 10+2: While not The "U," the "O" is certainly making an early season run for a spot in Pasadena. The Ducks have scored 239 and given up 43... very "U"-like. And forget SoCal's 3-2 record, Lane Kiffin got fired because they are 1-4 ATS.

$EC: Despite brainwashing half the nation, the $EC is not at all "U"-like ATS. Mike $live would love to replace Starkville with Miami. Although Mizzou (who remembered they are in the $EC?) is 4-0 SU and ATS.

Sun Belt: South Alabama is 3-1 ATS, but Mobile will never be confused with Miami. Neither will Monroe or Lafayette (LA), Bowling Green (KY), Troy (AL) or San Marcos (TX). Heck, Atlanta is not Miami, either, although they think they are. Next year add Boone (NC) and Statesboro (GA).

Week 4: 6-3-1 (again)

Total: 29-20-2

Week 5

GaState @ Bammer -56: Old-school "U" beatdown.

Clemson @ Syracuse +14: Lots of orange... just like The "U."

UGA -11 @ Rocky Top: Speaking of Orange, ol' Smokey can only wish it was The "U."

Arkansas +10 @ The Swamp: The "U" took care of the Gators earlier, deflating giant egos all up and down I-75.  

Mizzou @ Vandy -4.5: Vandy is a private school just like The "U," or so the Vandy fan keeps saying.

Mississippi @ Barn +3: Black Bear fans are still excited about the Music City Bowl.

Kentucky @ SoCar -21.5: The Visor would have been a perfect fit at The "U." Instead, he is in Columbia. Oh well.

San Jose @ Hawaii +4.5: Think ATS my friends... ATS and those beaches.

TCU @ Oklahomer -11: TCU could be The "U." But it isn't.  

GaTech @ The "U" -4.5: Welcome back, The "U."

Copyright 2013 Raycom News Network. All rights reserved.

  • SEC FootballSEC CoverageMore>>

  • Week 13 preview: Rivalry week and high stakes are everywhere

    Week 13 preview: Rivalry week and high stakes are everywhere

    Thursday, November 23 2017 1:42 AM EST2017-11-23 06:42:17 GMT
    Friday, November 24 2017 1:35 AM EST2017-11-24 06:35:22 GMT
    Yes, it is rivalry week in college football and the old saying goes that anything can happen when rivals get together, but let's not go overboard. Alabama has won seven of nine against Auburn because the Tide has...
    Yes, it is rivalry week in college football and the old saying goes that anything can happen when rivals get together, but let's not go overboard. Alabama has won seven of nine against Auburn because the Tide has been clearly better more often than not.
  • Ole Miss upsets #14 Mississippi State 31-28 in Egg Bowl

    Ole Miss upsets #14 Mississippi State 31-28 in Egg Bowl

    Friday, November 24 2017 1:10 AM EST2017-11-24 06:10:06 GMT
    Source: WLBT/FOX 40 SportsSource: WLBT/FOX 40 Sports

    #14 Mississippi State entered the Egg Bowl as a double digit favorite. The Bulldogs suffered a double whammy on Thursday. Nick Fitzgerald was injured and Ole Miss upset MSU 31-28. Fitzgerald suffered the injury in the 1st quarter. He would leave the game on a cart but came back on crutches in the 2nd half. Breeland Speaks & DeMarquis Gates made the tackle on the play, Speaks commented on the play after the game .@Bspeaks9 on Fitzgerald’s injury pic.twitter.com/jpToqjyr3z...

    #14 Mississippi State entered the Egg Bowl as a double digit favorite. The Bulldogs suffered a double whammy on Thursday. Nick Fitzgerald was injured and Ole Miss upset MSU 31-28. Fitzgerald suffered the injury in the 1st quarter. He would leave the game on a cart but came back on crutches in the 2nd half. Breeland Speaks & DeMarquis Gates made the tackle on the play, Speaks commented on the play after the game .@Bspeaks9 on Fitzgerald’s injury pic.twitter.com/jpToqjyr3z...

  • Playmaking QBs: Hurts, Stidham lead teams into Iron Bowl

    Playmaking QBs: Hurts, Stidham lead teams into Iron Bowl

    Thursday, November 23 2017 1:32 PM EST2017-11-23 18:32:41 GMT
    Thursday, November 23 2017 11:36 PM EST2017-11-24 04:36:09 GMT
    Playmaking QBs: Hurts, Stidham lead teams into Iron Bowl.
    Playmaking QBs: Hurts, Stidham lead teams into Iron Bowl.
Powered by Frankly