Wasted: Lives Lost to Meth

November 22, 2005--Posted at 9:00 pm

PARAGOULD-- Imagine a body worn, thin, beyond disfunctional ... That's the appearance, the feeling that meth can give you.

But for one addict, the outward signs of meth use were only half the problem...
it was the feeling on the inside that tore her life apart.
Drug addictions that started when she was 12... One, that was so powerful it almost took her life...

"It's the works of the devil.You don't really care about you or anyone else. All you focus on is the dope," Meth Addict Delorise James says.

"I believe that if I wouldn't have found that jail cell that I wouldn't be here. When I went to jail, I was tired ... You know, I even flagged a police officer down and told him I was tired. I was ready. I weighed 98 pounds and i weigh 163 now," James says.

Jail was the beginning of the end of Delorise's addiction, but it wasn't until she lost her freedom that she realized what meth had really cost her.

"I lost my son in my addiction, you know, i was out like buying pills to cook dope and he got run over. He was four years old and he got ran over on Bridger Road. He was a good child ... I really don't know what I was thinking ... All I knew is that my whole life had ended then. I had nothing to live for. Even though I had two more children, that was just a burden I had to carry around, and still, I have a hard time forgiving myself for that." James says.

Even then, all she could turn to was her addiction ...

"The thoughts that ran through my head were that I wanted more dope. It's like you'll do anything to get it. It doesn't matter what it is ... Steal ... You know, whatever you have to do.I really got higher off of cooking it than doing it. I cooked it at my home, I cooked it in the streets. It overtook my whole life.It has almost took my life. I took a bunch of pills and almost committed suicide. I cut my wrists. It's just a bug ... A plague ... It will destroy you," James says.

But Delorise is a survivor... She went from jail to the Agape house, in Paragould, where she is recovering with women who battle the same addictions.
She puts her faith in god
She says he's the only strength she has in fighting her addiction and the damage it left behind.

"In my addiction, it has messed all my organs up. I have one functioning kidney, I have no gall bladder, and i have no bladder function ... Meth will steal you, destroy you and kill you. If I could take it all back, I would be the mother that I wanted to be and I would have had god in my life the whole time. And I would have had my family closer than what we are," James says.

Delorise James comes from a family of addicts. She said that drug use was all she ever knew, and when she started using, she says it was like her family didn't care.
But she hopes to put her life back together for her two children so they don't develop the same habits. She says she will use her recovery as a testament to others.