Men Who Win: Dear to Deer

By Chuck Gschwend

 I remember killing my first deer. What a memory. It stands out partially because it was my first deer hunt and partially because it is still the only one I have ever killed. But the main reason I remember it so well is because I had that 8-point buck stuffed and mounted as evidence of my personal triumph.Hunt, stalk, shoot, kill, and conquer.  It’s so very natural to us men. However, these same tendencies can get us into real trouble when we enter the world of women. We men have been accused of pursuing a wife the same way we pursue a deer. We go out on the hunt and we want to bring home the prize. We enter their world with a barrage of compliments, gifts, flowers, dinners and time. Lots of time. In fact, we looked for every excuse to spend a few minutes with this girl who made us feel like we just could not live without her.Then, somehow, after months of an all out pursuit…we win! Oops. I mean, she said “yes.” Marriage and the honeymoon followed. Then gradually something went tragically wrong. We began to take our wife for granted. The barrage of compliments, gifts, flowers, dinners and time that were so frequent during dating slowly fade away. It’s not that we have stopped loving our wife; it’s just that life gets so crowded with responsibilities that we lose focus. If we are not careful we can make our wife feel like that deer. She was hunted, stalked, conquered and now taken for granted.If you wonder how you are doing, ask your wife whether romance is a growing reality or a distant memory in your marriage? Guess which one your wife expected to be true? Men, if you aren’t pursuing her the same way you did during dating, she feels cheated, whether she admits it or not.If you are guilty of occasionally taking your wife for granted, I have good news.  The solution is not that difficult. Just start pursuing your wife like you did during your dating days. Plan regular dates with your wife. Simply re-enter her world with a barrage of compliments, gifts, flowers, dinners and time. Remember to always make her feel special. You did it once and you can do it again.Let’s get more specific. Analyze how you speak to your wife. Is your speech filled with more compliments or criticism?  To motivate you away from being so critical, I want to show you a powerful example of one man romancing his wife through a well-timed compliment. It is from a love poem in your Bible called the Song of Solomon, an entire book that celebrates romance and passion in the context of marriage. The whole book is awesome, but let’s listen in on these two lovers in the Song of Solomon. The woman begins, “I am a meadow flower from Sharon, a lily from the valleys.” What she is expressing to her lover is that she feels common and ordinary. The “meadow flower” and the “lily” were just common everyday wildflowers that were here today and gone tomorrow. She is in essence saying “I am nothing special” or “I don’t feel special anymore.” Men you must know that every woman including your wife often feels this way, neglected, insecure or taken for granted. Therefore, how you respond is crucial. Listen to this man’s great response, “Like a lily among thorns, so is my darling among the maidens.”Men, let me explain. This man did it right. He tenderly takes his beloved’s insecurity and turns it into a carefully worded compliment. He says to her that if you, my darling, are a common ordinary lily, then the rest of the women in the world are “thorns.” He was communicating that this girl was the only one for him. He was saying what you used to say all the time in dating, “You are special to me!”I discussed this passage with my wife before I taught it recently and she gave me a tremendous insight. She said, “No woman in the world thinks she is the single most beautiful woman in the world, but every woman in the world wants to feel they are the most special person in the world to one man.” Now that is a great insight we men need to hear. It ought to be our delight to make our wives feel unique, prized, and treasured by us.Men it’s not hard to rev up the romance. Get back to dating and pursuing your wife. Don’t take her for granted.  Men, it is your duty, but it can soon be your delight. Enjoy.P.S. Read the rest of Song of Solomon 2 to see how this man got rewarded.Contact Chuck Gschwend